It’s been a tough few weeks, but I have finally made some major decisions. As soon as possible, I will be relocating back to my home state of North Carolina. I have spent a lot of time praying and thinking about this and what this simply comes down to is that I have many more friends and family in NC than I do in Ohio and I would like to see and spend more time with them. For the time being, I will be staying with my Mom and Stepdad until I get a job and a new place to live and I will probably be looking down more toward the Charlotte area for both of those. I hope to be down there as soon as I can get things squared away here and I will be renting a truck and driving back up to Ohio on April 4th to pick up anything that I cannot fit in the Jetta.
It’s a bittersweet moment for me. I’ve told people that I’m not so much doing this because I want to, but because it is the best choice for me and the choice that I feel like I should make. I’m leaving behind some things and people that are very important to me, but it’s time that I leave some things and people behind and move forward. It’s been a crazy few months. And I’m ready to come home.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
My Psalm
In the tradition of King David, consider this my Psalm. These are my feelings and nothing else.
I have had a lot of people ask me in recent days how I am doing. The truth is that I never know how to answer that question. How would you feel if the woman you loved after 11 years no longer wants to be with you, when you’ve tried everything that you know to “fix” the situation only to discover that it cannot be fixed? There have been many, many people that have simply put their arms around me and cried with me, and almost all of them have been from my church. I am so grateful to my friends at True Hope who have loved me and prayed for me during this very difficult time.
And then there’s these people…these other people…these…no words I have for them (yet)…that try to disguise themselves as “angels of light,” but they judge you and give the absolute worst advice that I’ve ever heard of. You know who you are. Someone once told me in the beginning of all of this that I would find out who my true friends and family are through all of this and the truth is that I have done that. There are people who have whispered behind my back about songs that I have put on Facebook that have “curse” words in them, but they have never tried to understand how I feel and maybe try and realize that the only words for how I feel are those forbidden words that no one in Christian circles thinks you should ever utter (even though Paul uttered them in Greek, but I digress) even when that is exactly how you feel. And I’m still waiting for these people (who call themselves Christians, by the way) to come to me and either confront me about whatever problem I have or sin that they think that I have committed against them or apologize to me for bringing up my “sin” to someone else in violation of Scripture.
There are people that have been silent about decisions that have been made and behavior that has happened that is far from biblical and frankly, just plain sinful.
So do all of you want to know the truth about how I am feeling? Well, let me put it to you this way: The love of my life no longer wants to be with me, my career is effectively over before it even got started, I have no job and I live in a state where I have no family and very few close friends, and some of the very people that I have counted as friends and family have effectively stabbed me in the back or not even bothered to even call me to find out how I’m doing. I’ve had “friends” send me messages on Facebook that are oh so cheery and I know they have talked about me behind my back. I’ve been misunderstood, shafted, maligned, betrayed, and left alone most of the time to wallow in my tears. So how do I feel? I’m angry…very angry. I’m hurt that people would not pick up a phone or even send me an email to find out just how I’m doing. Most of the time, I just feel…abandoned.
I told someone on the phone the other night that I did not know one person who had been through what I have been through…ever. That’s not true at all. There is one person. In a nutshell, I feel like Jesus. All of these things happened to Him, too. I don’t want to over over-spiritualize this because I don’t want to make this saccharin-sweet, but I’ve never felt closer to Him. Even in the midst of my despair, anger, and hurt, there really is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is my Deliver, even when (and especially when) your so-called friends and family turn their back on you or smile in your face while they stab you in the back.
So if I sound angry, I am. If I sound bitter, I am. And before you accuse me of being sinful, just know that I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling before God. I try and do my best in His grace and strength to give Him my anger, hurt, and fears every morning and many times throughout the day. I am learning that “you can have all of this world. Just give me Jesus.”
Thank you to those of you that have kept in touch and sent an email, a text, or made a phone call to see how I’m doing. They do mean a lot. But now you know how I’m doing and I know that things are not going to turn around for me anytime really soon so your prayers are appreciated. I am mulling over some very big decisions. It looks like in the next few weeks (I’m not sure when), I’ll be re-locating to somewhere other than Ohio, at least that’s what it looks like. My home state of North Carolina is the most likely place, but specifically where, I don't know yet, but I’m sure I’ll be around Hickory a while before I find my bearings. For those of you that are left here in Ohio that have chosen to point your fingers, consider these words from one of our nation’s beloved Presidents.
For those of you that are still with me and want to know how I feel, this is pretty much it:
Godspeed,
David
I have had a lot of people ask me in recent days how I am doing. The truth is that I never know how to answer that question. How would you feel if the woman you loved after 11 years no longer wants to be with you, when you’ve tried everything that you know to “fix” the situation only to discover that it cannot be fixed? There have been many, many people that have simply put their arms around me and cried with me, and almost all of them have been from my church. I am so grateful to my friends at True Hope who have loved me and prayed for me during this very difficult time.
And then there’s these people…these other people…these…no words I have for them (yet)…that try to disguise themselves as “angels of light,” but they judge you and give the absolute worst advice that I’ve ever heard of. You know who you are. Someone once told me in the beginning of all of this that I would find out who my true friends and family are through all of this and the truth is that I have done that. There are people who have whispered behind my back about songs that I have put on Facebook that have “curse” words in them, but they have never tried to understand how I feel and maybe try and realize that the only words for how I feel are those forbidden words that no one in Christian circles thinks you should ever utter (even though Paul uttered them in Greek, but I digress) even when that is exactly how you feel. And I’m still waiting for these people (who call themselves Christians, by the way) to come to me and either confront me about whatever problem I have or sin that they think that I have committed against them or apologize to me for bringing up my “sin” to someone else in violation of Scripture.
There are people that have been silent about decisions that have been made and behavior that has happened that is far from biblical and frankly, just plain sinful.
So do all of you want to know the truth about how I am feeling? Well, let me put it to you this way: The love of my life no longer wants to be with me, my career is effectively over before it even got started, I have no job and I live in a state where I have no family and very few close friends, and some of the very people that I have counted as friends and family have effectively stabbed me in the back or not even bothered to even call me to find out how I’m doing. I’ve had “friends” send me messages on Facebook that are oh so cheery and I know they have talked about me behind my back. I’ve been misunderstood, shafted, maligned, betrayed, and left alone most of the time to wallow in my tears. So how do I feel? I’m angry…very angry. I’m hurt that people would not pick up a phone or even send me an email to find out just how I’m doing. Most of the time, I just feel…abandoned.
I told someone on the phone the other night that I did not know one person who had been through what I have been through…ever. That’s not true at all. There is one person. In a nutshell, I feel like Jesus. All of these things happened to Him, too. I don’t want to over over-spiritualize this because I don’t want to make this saccharin-sweet, but I’ve never felt closer to Him. Even in the midst of my despair, anger, and hurt, there really is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is my Deliver, even when (and especially when) your so-called friends and family turn their back on you or smile in your face while they stab you in the back.
So if I sound angry, I am. If I sound bitter, I am. And before you accuse me of being sinful, just know that I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling before God. I try and do my best in His grace and strength to give Him my anger, hurt, and fears every morning and many times throughout the day. I am learning that “you can have all of this world. Just give me Jesus.”
Thank you to those of you that have kept in touch and sent an email, a text, or made a phone call to see how I’m doing. They do mean a lot. But now you know how I’m doing and I know that things are not going to turn around for me anytime really soon so your prayers are appreciated. I am mulling over some very big decisions. It looks like in the next few weeks (I’m not sure when), I’ll be re-locating to somewhere other than Ohio, at least that’s what it looks like. My home state of North Carolina is the most likely place, but specifically where, I don't know yet, but I’m sure I’ll be around Hickory a while before I find my bearings. For those of you that are left here in Ohio that have chosen to point your fingers, consider these words from one of our nation’s beloved Presidents.
For those of you that are still with me and want to know how I feel, this is pretty much it:
Godspeed,
David
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